By Gordon David Durich
“The postman wants an autograph. The cab driver wants a picture. The waitress wants a handshake. Everyone wants a piece of you.”
— John Lennon
Despite Lennon’s grim view of the harmless handshake, this act of goodwill is still widely practiced in personal and professional circles.
Back in the day, business deals were made on golf courses and in hot tubs. Still are, no doubt. A quick handshake and that’ll do it. At least that is what is believed apocryphally.
But what works better and is more binding: a pressing of flesh or a written legal contract? At least when it comes to business? Maybe both: a good handshake and a signature.
Handshakes happen everywhere, everyday. At offices, on airplanes, in churches, temples, restaurants, schools, libraries and cemeteries. An initial greeting or contact is often sealed with a handshake, formally and instantaneously. Still, think of where they may not be done.
Never underestimate the power of a simple pressing of flesh from one human hand into the other. As a teen, I remember being resistant to being a handshake away from connecting with another. My big sister would glare and say, “Well, shake his hand,” when introducing me to her latest boyfriend. I would awkwardly grab his hand feeling like it was somehow unnatural or, in my view, unnecessary.
Business-wise, a handshake bookends a transaction, a starting then a parting gesture. Regardless of gender or rank, it’s affirmative. And expected in corporate America. Never mind being very significant.
In the entertainment industry, it is all about the cliché “not what, but whom you know.” Colette Joel, producer and owner of Handshake Away Productions: “I came up with the name ‘Handshake Away Productions’ because I am always a handshake away from someone in the entertainment industry.”
Getting from action to production to release relies on a network of trusted and true collaborators. That’s the unseen thread in the documentary, “Bowery Rhapsody: The Rise and Redemption of Hollywood’s Original Brat Pack.” (Disclaimer: On Colette’s crew, I am a researcher and producer. A labor of love.) We actually did sign a contract, however. Despite the name of the business, Joel always does business with a written contract. Metaphorically speaking, what began as a business-like handshake has evolved now into a warm hug and a peck on the cheek. In keeping with the company’s “policy,” it was more about mutual understanding and connection, rather than a literal joining of hands.
The “six degrees of separation” concept is the idea that all people are six -- or fewer -- social connections away from each other. As a result, a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps. This concept seems particularly true in Hollywood, and perhaps Joel’s underlying basis for doing business the way she does.
“I try to live with honor, even if it costs me millions of dollars and takes a long time. It's very unusual in Hollywood. Few people are trustworthy - a handshake means nothing to them. They feel they're required to keep an agreement with you only if you're successful or they need you.” James Cameron
In many industries, contracts are a given. Proof. Real estate, car sales, etc. A hundred signatures on a mortgage or car loan or what can seem like it, is not at all unusual. Even in these days of electronic signatures.
In their book “The Power of Nice,” Linda Kaplan Thaler and Robin Koval, of the Kaplan Thaler Group advertising agency talk about business and society and the culture that “urges us to pit ourselves against one another.” They maintain that using the strategy of friendship rather than fast talk leads to better relationships. Being nice in the world of business goes a long way, and that includes a handshake, rather than a hug. Except in Mexico, where a hug may be in order after a long lasting handshake.
Globally, the practice of handshaking varies in obvious and subtle ways. In Thailand, place your palms together at chest level and bow (or “wai”). However, if a wai is not offered, then go ahead and shake hands.
In Japan, a handshake upon meeting is apropos, however it’s limp with little or sans actual eye contact. Some Japanese people both bow and shake hands. The bow is highly regarded by the Japanese. The protocol, according to a colleague, is a low bow. That gesture can be as important and pivotal as the presentation of a business card (with English on one side, translated into Japanese on the other). The business card is so important you can even have them printed at the airport at least in Tokyo, if you didn’t come prepared or ran out. A “nice” touch? No, a must. Without one, in the eyes of Japanese businessmen and businesswomen, you don’t exist.
My extroverted wife “teaches handshake,” most often to women who don’t realize that eye contact and handshake establish first impressions. She says that many women, especially young women, are interested in learning why and how this is the beach head for how she will be forever regarded.
Getting it in writing is important documentation. And a permanent record. But a handshake is like a key inside a door, opening a world of new business deals, personal relationships.
Which are you? A gripper, who shakes someone’s hand like you are clasping for dear life? Unintentionally trying to crush every four digits? Or a wet-fish, flabby handshaker?
There’s a new variation, the fist or knuckle-bump. It’s gained popularity, propelled in part by a deeper awareness of how easily some unwanted germs are spread – currently, measles. In the winter, the flu looms and is predicted to be even more prevalent.
Still, handshakes are here to stay. Think about what your intention is when you shake someone’s hand instead of offering a robotic and “polite” gesture. You never know where that simple act may lead.